“If this is an emergency, call 911, and go to the nearest Emergency room.” I have been to several. The settings are different, but they all follow the same protocol.

“Who brought you here”

“Can we have your Insurance card?”

“What is your complaint?”

“Fill in these forms. When you finish, the nurse will take you in”

From this point on it is the best to remain calm, regardless how you feel and what you think. It is a real test of patience and self-control. I am not very good at it, normally. Here, at the mercy of ER staff, I am a model of a patient, perfectly self-controlled and very polite.

It is amazing the questions they ask about you and your whole family, including the dead ones. Another thing: no mater what brought you in, there will be a bunch of X-rays taken, whether you want it or not.

My last visit to the Emergency room was at Martha’s Vineyard Hospital. It was funny and educational. It was not funny when it happened, but it surely is funny when I think about it.

I fell getting out of my chair and landed, sideways, on the deck. Once I am on the ground I cannot get up. I managed to crawl into my living room and saw blood on the floor. It was my left arm with two large swollen open wounds and the blood was just flowing. I could not stop it. I called my son in New York: “Get to Emergency room, immediately. Get somebody to drive you there.”

“Nonsense, I can drive myself.”

“You cannot drive with one arm while the other is bleeding. Call 911 for the ambulance. Right now!”

I wrapped my arm with a towel and a lot of Cling Wrap. I drove with my right arm. Apart from being worried, I enjoyed my brave adventure.

The receptionist asked me who brought me in. “I drove myself.”

She shook her head and yelled: “Doctor, come and see, this woman drove herself and is still bleeding.”

The doctor took a quick look, ordered a wheel chair. “But I can walk,” “Not here, we have to look at you first. Nurse, clean her up and see if you can stop the bleeding.” She took me to a nice large examining room, with comfortable bed and TV. I stayed there for four hours. They took X-rays of my arm, of course, but then they took quite few of my head.

I protested: ”I did not fall on my head, I fell on my left side and I am fine except for the left arm.” As a patient you have no rights, just follow the orders.

The nurse explained: “This is a hospital rule. We must make sure there is no concussion or some injury. It will be very fast. You will be released as soon as the results come in.”

The results came in. Everything is OK. I was ready to go home. “You have to wait for the doctor. She won’t be a minute.”

I was getting impatient, asking whoever walked by to please call my

Doctor. “I have not seen her for two hours, I just want to go home.” Getting slightly hysterical, I stepped out of my room. There was nobody on the whole. floor. ‘Well, I am just going to walk out of here.’

As I was getting dressed the doctor came in:

“I apologize for keeping you waiting. The policeman brought in a local boy eighteen years old. He was in a car crash. Severely injured. The whole ER staff is doing everything possible to keep him alive. I hope you understand.” She signed my release form. “You are fine, all tests are negative.”

As she quickly walked back I suddenly felt embarrassed and humbled. I wanted to run after her and apologize for my impatience and selfishness. It was too late. She was gone.

When I got in my car I had nowhere to go and nothing to do. All I could do was to drive myself home with my right hand while the left one was resting in a sling.

They took good care of my arm. They save lives, treat all cases major or minor and generously take care of hypochondriacs.

I salute Emergency room staff!